A bit of Christmas silly from me (performance pieces)

On The Thirteenth Day Of Christmas…

Partridge in a Pear Tree Christmas Stamp : Stock Photo

Over the twelve days of Christmas 

My true love sent to me…

12 Drummers Drumming…22 Pipers Piping…30 Lords a Leaping…36 Ladies Dancing…40 Maids a Milking…42 Swans a Swimming…42 Geese a Laying…40 Golden Rings…36 Calling Birds…30 French Hens…22 Turtle Doves and 12 Partridges in 12 Pear Trees…leading to…a very awkward phone call…

Hello…um…yes it did arrive…um…you do know I live in a one bedroom upstairs flat? Well, it’s getting a bit…crowded…um…yes…yes…we are on a break…

Royalty-Free Images: Stained Glass Portrait Of Joseph And Mary

Approximately 2014 years ago…Mary has just given Joseph some unexpected news…

Joseph: Now then, Mary…let me get my head around this…you’re pregnant?

Mary: Yes

Joseph: Well, we both know I’m not the father…And…you say…you received a message…in a dream…from God

Mary: Yes

Joseph: And God told you that you would give birth to his son..who will grow up to be the Saviour of Mankind…

Mary: Yes

Joseph: But God didn’t do the necessary business himself..he sent an angel in his stead…and this Angel of The Lord…Came upon you…

Mary: Yes And after this Angel of The Lord…came upon you…you became pregnant…with the son of God…

Joseph: And after this Angel of The Lord…came upon you…you became pregnant…with the son of God…

Mary: Yes

Joseph: And Now. To avoid awkward questions from our families. you want me to marry you. As soon as possible?

Mary: Yes

Joseph: So…you want me to marry you as soon as possible…to avoid potential social awkwardness…as a result of you being impregnated…by an Angel…on behalf of God 

Mary: Yes

Joseph: (shrugs) Yeah, i’ll go along with that

Mary: Yay! 

 

A Very Morrissey Christmas

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As part of my performance at the Bridgend Arts Christmas Festival (see previous blog for Link) I will be parodying the voice and attitude of this gentleman via the following words…

Oh…Santa Claus! Take your claws out of me,,,I hate you and I don’t eat meat…you’re too Christmassy for Morrissey,,,Oh, oh oh oh, sometimes when I sing I say oh oh oh …other times you’ll hear me say no no no, oh, ho ho ho…Oh…Saint Nicholas, the red suit makes you look ridiculous, but don’t take it off or you might end up knickerless, which no one wants to see, Oh…Santa Claus! Take your claws out of me,,,I hate you and I don’t eat meat…I hate you and I don’t eat meat…I hate you…Ho ho ho Santa Claus!